Helping your children cope with their new living environment requires compassion and routine.

Divorce is never easy; emotions can run high and parents need to plan for a new life.  This can include finding a new home, decorating, and furnishing a new house. However, many parents find the hardest part of custody is not in the logistics of a new beginning, but providing a sense of stability for their children.  St. Louis lawyers can provide a myriad of resources at your disposal. Your family law attorney will work closely with counselors and therapists to help children and parents during a divorce.

It is to understand that children can fall into three over-arching stages in relation to divorce; young children (up to age four), older children (from age five to twelve), and teenagers.  The latter two will share many qualities, but all will view the changes around them from the lens of their respective stages of development. It is necessary to approach each with the right technique, to properly help them during this seemingly chaotic and trying period in their lives.

What to Expect

As stated above, each age group will have a different perception of divorce.  Young children are set in their dependency on both parents and are also accustomed their routine.  The loss of routine may result in regression. Previously potty-trained children may wet themselves or their bed, become moody, and lose their sleep schedule.  

Older children can also regress; seeking attention and complaining of stomach aches and other problems that will reinforce a perceived necessity for dependence.  Unfortunately, this partially stems from a sense of fault for the divorce, as well as the loss of routine. It is also common to become emotional when visiting the non-custodial parent.  Their sense of guilt may result in children trying to take on extra responsibilities; they essentially may try to become an adult themselves.

Teens, like older children, may also develop feelings of guilt and blame themselves for the separation.  They too may attempt to replace the non-custodial parent and seek to be more “adult-like.” Teens also tend to be vocal about whom they wish to live with, having a stronger sense of connection with one parent over the other.  To further their anxiety, they may worry about losing touch with friends, due to changing weekend schedules and living arrangements. Finally, a teenage child may also find one of their parents at fault for the divorce.

How to Help Your Children

Helping your children cope with their new living environment requires compassion and routine.  For younger children that means keeping meals and bedtime as regular as possible. It also means asking questions like, “Do you miss mom/dad?”  Finally, outline their new environment; explain that even though you’re not living together, that both parents still love them.

For older children it is often a good idea to sit down as a family about two weeks ahead of the separation.  Use this time to explain not just the changes, but what will stay the same. This can be the school they attend, opportunities to spend time with friends, and even visitation with parents.  Knowing what to expect will help them cope with what is to come. It is also important to give your children a chance to voice any questions they may have. Perhaps of equal importance, stress that the upcoming separation is not the child’s fault.  

Teenagers tend to be a bit more difficult at times, as any parent with teenagers is aware.  Like their younger counterparts, sit down a week or two ahead of time and discuss the upcoming separation.  Teenagers, however, are often more independent and have a better understanding of divorce. As such, they may not require the same amount explanation as preteens.  It is important to actively ask them questions to open conversations. When they ask a question, give a clear and simple response. It is also important to keep private from them the gritty details of what lead to the divorce, such as extramarital relations.  Be open about how you, the parent, are feeling. Finally, consider explaining what you are doing to self-heal.

While a marriage may come to an end, parents’ love and concern for their children should stay strong through this process.  Every good parent feels a sense of worry about the new life their children are entering. This is normal and healthy. What is important is to work as a team to ensure both parents know what their children need, and how to guide them towards stability once again.  Through counseling and an understanding of how children react to the stresses of divorce, parents can help children cope with what is to come.

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References

L.C.S.W., Robert Taibbi. 2013. Psychology Today. June 28. Accessed October 12, 2018. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201306/children-divorce-helping-and-healing

If you are in the middle of a divorce, filing taxes may be the last thing on your mind. However, there are a few things you should understand.

Filing taxes is already a nerve-wracking and complicated matter. No matter how many times you do it, there may always be something that gets you confused. If you are in the middle of a divorce, things can become even more complex.

Should you file joint or separate tax returns? What does the law say? And, what option is in your best interest.

Because the circumstances of every case are different, it is best to discuss your options with an expereinced St. Louis divorce attorney before making a decision.

Common Tax Issues During a Divorce Trial

One of the most common questions people ask their lawyers is if they should file a joint or separate tax return.

The short answer is that it depends. According to the law, divorced spouses can’t file a joint tax return. Keep in mind, though, that the marital status is determined on the last day of the year. So, if you are still married on December 31 (the end of the tax year, ) meaning that there is no final court ruling ending your marital status, then you can generally file a joint return if both of you agreed to do so. That is generally applicable even if you are separated and don’t live together anymore.

Talk with your soon to be ex-spouse and your St. Louis family law attorney and decide if a joint return is in your best interest.

On the other hand, if the divorce is final come December 31, then you will typically need to fill your tax returns as “Single.”

Does Child Support Payments Affect My Tax Return?

The Missouri law states that child support payments aren’t included in the income of the spouse receiving the benefits. As such, they are not deductible from their income. The same stays true even if the ruling regarding child support or custody is only temporary. Note that a temporary ruling won’t affect your marital status either.

So, if your divorce is still pending and a judge ruled that your kid should stay with your spouse until the case reaches a final conclusion, then you can still file for a joint tax return if both of you wish to do so.

What Should You Do?

Discuss your options with your tax and divorce lawyer before deciding anything. If the divorce is not final, then filing a joint tax return may be in your interest, especially if you are struggling with credits and deductions. On the other hand, both you and your spouse will be liable if something is wrong and will have to pay penalties

Speak With a Divorce Attorney

There are a lot of things to consider during a divorce. Tax returns and any other financial considerations may be the last thing you care about when you are trying to start your life fresh. But, you need to think about every detail of the process and do what is in your best interest.

Give us a call today at (314) 801-8488

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One of the decisions couples need to make when getting a divorce is whether or not they want to live separately during the process.

While living separately during a divorce may seem necessary to some, a significant portion of couples do not, with the most common factors being saving money and giving continuity to their children’s lives. However, here is why living separately may be the right solution for you.

Your Emotional State

When two people decide it is time to get divorced, they often do so after years of negative emotions. What happens is that they reach a breaking point, and at least one person cannot go on with the relationship. If this description matches your mindset, it may be toxic to stay in the same space as your partner. The better move for your emotional state may be to have one person leave the situation and allow for healing.

It Might Be Better For the Children

One of the typical justifications for why people stay is so that their children still have two parents in the house. While noble, this approach often backfires. The reason is that couples who are on the brink of divorce often don’t get along. As a result, their children hear their arguments and tend to understand what is going on beneath the surface. This effect can have worse consequences than one parent moving out.

One Person is Likely Leaving at Some Point

If you’re getting a divorce, you and your partner will generally separate at some point. That can be early in the process or later in it, but in most cases it will happen at some point. What you might decide as a result of this truth is that you should make the switch as soon as possible. Staying is delaying the inevitable, which can have emotional consequences.

Building a Better Future

People who are in negative relationships often find that they can spread their wings and develop an incredible amount once they separate for their spouses. Whether that means seeing other people, trying new activities, or reconnecting with old friends, living with your current partner may hamper the process of moving on.

There is a Reason Why You’re Separating

Some couples protest to all of these reasons with legitimate points of their own. Typical points include them being civil with each other, not fighting at all in front of their children, and even planning to live together after the divorce is finalized. If that is the case for you, it may be time to revisit why you’re separating in the first place. If it isn’t, then perhaps some distance is a good thing.

One of the things St. Louis family law attorneys often see is couples attempting to live together during the splitting process. While this arrangement can work for some, it is often a bad idea for everyone involved. We hope that, whatever your decision is, it will lead to a happier and brighter future for both you and your family.

At The Betz Law Firm, we are committed to getting our clients the results they deserve and are able to apply our substantial experience in family law to that end. Give us a call today at (314) 801-8488.