divorce lawyer

Anger, frustration, pain, betrayal, all of these are normal and understandable feelings to experience during a divorce. But it is important to pick an appropriate time and place.

Robert Emery posted an article on Psychology Today discussing the consequences of speaking ill about your former spouse in front of your children. In previous articles, we have outlined how alienation can adversely affect not just your case but your family. While alienation is a real outcome, it may not be the target of denigration who suffers, but the source instead.

In his case study, Emery found subjects who lived in a home where one divorced parent spoke ill of the other parent, the child swayed more towards alienating the vocally negative parent. Referring to this as a “boomerang effect.” Unfortunately, this boomerang effect often alienated both parents from their child.

Important Reminders

It is important to remember, both during and after a divorce, children are watching their parents. Anger, frustration, pain, betrayal, all of these are normal and understandable feelings to experience during a divorce. However, parents are not the only ones coping, so too are the children. This is not stated to cause guilt but as a reminder during a trying time. While venting frustration, it is important to pick an appropriate time and place. Close friends, or perhaps therapy, are a far more effective and constructive group to voice pain than in front of children.

The problem with speaking poorly about the other parent and former spouse is that everyone is hurt. Both parents could become alienated, the children will have a less happy childhood, and it can cause long-term irreparable damage to all involved.

If you face a divorce or alienation, speak to a St. Louis family law attorney to find out how to approach your case. An experienced Missouri lawyer can help guide you through the process and provide perspective.

Divorce court decisions should be made by applying laws and past case decisions to facts that are presented at your trial.

The object of the dispute in a family lawsuit is a very delicate matter as it can have a significant influence on the lives of the spouses and their children. One cannot treat a divorce case with generalized judgment, as each case has its unique set of circumstances and development to which both parts need to adapt and react in the best possible way. That said, no divorce should be settled by a judge who chooses to follow their preconceptions about family, gender dynamics, or society instead of following facts and defending the interests of all parties involved.

Unfortunately, there are some cases where the judge seems to favor one side over the other. Often, traditional gender roles are applied to situations where the family dynamic is different. This incompatibility of the judge with the type of family he has in court may lead to an imbalance in the justice system, as one spouse gets more than he or she may be entitled to, and the other is robbed of his or her rights.

Going in front of a judge and laying your conjugal life in front of them and waiting for their decision regarding your life after a marriage can be tough. Few divorces can be considered easy, but when you seem to be discriminated against by a representative of the law, it is a battle for your rights. What can you do when the judge appears to favor your spouse in the divorce case?

Are You Going through a Custody Battle? Spend Time with Your Children

If you believe that it’s in your children’s best interest to have you in their lives, either as a split custody parent or a full custody one, then you need to show irrefutable evidence that you are already an important part of their lives. Spend time with them daily and be involved in what they do. Go to school meetings and sports games, participate in their little projects, and know their routine.

If you think the judge is favoring your spouse based on a gender bias, you can contact a discrimination board and bring the problem to their attention. Show them that your gender is not preventing you from being a good parent for your children and break the mold of gender roles.

Do You Feel That You Are Disadvantaged in Any Way? Act Your Best

When you are seen through the lenses of prejudice or other bias, what you do can be interpreted and distorted to fit that paradigm. Don’t feed that persona presented by the biased judge. Avoid any possible association with that pattern of behavior, even if you need to censor perfectly valid emotions or responses. Reformulate answers that might be considered aggressive or accusing and stay out of conflict.

Questions About Your Divorce Case? Ask a Divorce Lawyer

At The Betz Law Firm, we are committed to guiding our clients through the court process with the same level of professionalism that we would wish for our family members. We are aware of the trust our client’s place in us with the future of their family and we strive daily to earn it.

Our firm’s goal is to assist families in need to navigate their way through these important, life-changing events. Whether it be a divorce, relocation issues, or questions of paternity, our team of compassionate lawyers will be at your side, offering our guidance and support.

One of the many ways a divorce will impact your life is forcing you to change your estate plan. Because your divorce will change your living arrangements and family structure, you must plan for the future accordingly. That means making changes to how you wish that your estate is handled in case you pass away.

This is something we don’t usually think about, especially if we don’t have any chronic disease or work in a risky profession, but everyone has an estate – no matter how large or small – and an unfortunate event can happen at any time. Here is how your divorce can impact what will happen to your estate in the future.

Draft a New Will

The main document in estate planning is your will: a legal document that shows how you want your property to be divided in case you die. When drafting a new will, it will automatically revoke the previous wills you had. This means that you must have a clear idea about who you want your property to end up with after your death.

Since you and your spouse will no longer be family, some states automatically disinherit them, but if their children or other family members were previously included in your will, they will still get a share of your inheritance if you don’t draft a new will stating otherwise.

If you and your spouse agree to keep a cordial relationship and still be in each other’s lives, and you still want them to give a part of your property, drafting a new will is still necessary, as most states treat your divorced spouse as if they predeceased you.

You Should Update Your Beneficiary Designations

Not all your assets are included in your will, and it’s important to decide what happens to them after your death. Examples of such assets include retirement accounts, life insurance policies, pay-on-death bank accounts, and other similar financial assets. There are certain types of plans that are governed by federal law, and under it, divorce is not taken into consideration when passing them over after your death. This is why you have to deal with the changes yourself, and name another beneficiary by updating your documents.

Name Legal Guardians for Your Minor Children

When you have minor children, it’s most likely that they will end up living with your spouse in case something happens to you. But you also have to consider the possibility of your spouse predeceasing you, or losing their parenting rights, which is why it’s wise to name a legal guardian other than them in case you die.

Making New Powers of Attorney Directives

Powers of attorney include important decisions that someone can make in your name: legal and financial decisions, medical decisions in case you lose your capacity to make them, handling certain things in case you are left in a vegetative state, etc. If your spouse or their family were previously named in these documents, you may want to update them.

If you are uncertain how divorce can impact your estate planning, or have any doubts on what decision to take, discuss this with your St. Louis divorce lawyer. They can recommend the best course of action.

Many divorces occur because both spouses agree that the marriage is irreparable, but most of them end up in a long fight over assets, custody or other arrangements. You may have heard of some cases when a spouse filed for divorce and their partner simply refused to accept. You may be wondering: what happens?

Getting a Divorce in Missouri

Getting divorced in Missouri is that it is a no-fault divorce state. That means that the court does not require you to present the cause of the dissolution of marriage. If you are unhappy and you want to get a divorce, you simply testify that your relationship is irreparable and the dissolution process will begin.

The second thing you need to know is that being in a no-fault state doesn’t mean that your divorce will be granted immediately. You still have to come to a settlement with your spouse, which will be definitive once the court proclaims it. If you and your spouse disagree about the conditions of the divorce, you may be looking at a long battle for your common assets and for your minor children, if you have any. An experienced St. Louis divorce attorney can help you prepare for the long process.

What If My Spouse Does Not Answer My Petition to Divorce?

You might think that your spouse is capable of postponing your divorce indefinitely just by refusing to acknowledge the divorce papers, but this is not the case in Missouri. According to the state law, your spouse has 30 days to respond to the divorce papers, since the moment they get served.

If you still don’t get an answer, your next step is generally to file for a “default and inquiry,” which would give your spouse the last chance to respond to your petition. If they don’t show up for this hearing, you may be entitled to receive everything you asked for in your initial petition (and not added afterward.)

What Next?

If you have any questions about the dissolution of marriage in such a case, please contact an experienced St. Louis divorce attorney who can navigate the intricacies of the divorce law and present you the best way to proceed further. It is important to note that each case is unique and should be discussed with an experienced attorney before taking action.