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Regardless of the weight of emotion, pressure, or what’s at stake, here are a few of the things you should never do during a divorce.

Most divorces are messy and complicated. You may feel stressed and emotionally exhausted, but that is not a reason to throw caution to the wind. The things you do and don’t do during your divorce will play a role in determining what route your divorce will take.

Regardless of the weight of emotion, pressure, or what’s at stake, here are a few of the things you should never do during a divorce.

1. Don’t Expect to Walk Away With Everything – It’s a good idea to enter every divorce battle with an open mind. Avoid being overly optimistic because there’s no way you’ll walk out of the divorce with everything. Instead, set realistic expectations and liaise with your attorney to determine what assets you should put your focus on.
2. Don’t Try to Hide Assets or Money – When the divorce isn’t going as you planned, don’t be tempted to hide any assets or money. Ten times out of ten, this will come back and bite you. Avoid moving assets in your name to other people and transferring cash to offshore accounts. If found out, it could ruin your divorce case and hurt your credibility.
3. Don’t Put Your Business on Social Media – Everyone puts everything on social media in today’s world. However, anything to do with your divorce should never grace your social media feed. Saying the wrong thing on social media could disrupt and hurt the divorce proceedings, so don’t post anything until the divorce is concluded. A seemingly harmless Facebook or Twitter post could be incredibly detrimental to your case.
4. Don’t Fight Over Everything – Fighting over everything is never a good idea unless you want the divorce to drag on for ages. You may not be on the best terms with your ex-spouse, but it’s wise to let some things go. A better approach is to pick your battles wisely and focus on things that matter. If you can work something out through negotiation, the better it’ll be for your divorce. If the two of you aren’t on talking terms, you can let your attorneys handle the negotiation on your behalf.
5. Don’t Be Financially Imprudent – It’s easy to spend frivolously when bogged down with emotions. But ensure you spend wisely. Life during and after divorce can be challenging, and failing to budget appropriately could end in tears. You can hire an expert to help with your finances if you think you need help.
6. Don’t Go Without an Attorney – The worst mistake you could make during your divorce is failing to hire an experienced attorney. It might save you a few bucks, but you may lose the entire case. No matter how good your evidence is, not hiring an attorney will significantly reduce your chances of winning. Always leave legal affairs to the experts.

Take Extra Caution

Any divorce case is like walking on thin ice; ensure you tread softly and watch every step. Most importantly, prioritize hiring a skilled and reputable lawyer to represent you throughout the entire divorce. Contact The Betz Law Firm today for legal representation.

Anger, frustration, pain, betrayal, all of these are normal and understandable feelings to experience during a divorce. But it is important to pick an appropriate time and place.

Robert Emery posted an article on Psychology Today discussing the consequences of speaking ill about your former spouse in front of your children. In previous articles, we have outlined how alienation can adversely affect not just your case but your family. While alienation is a real outcome, it may not be the target of denigration who suffers, but the source instead.

In his case study, Emery found subjects who lived in a home where one divorced parent spoke ill of the other parent, the child swayed more towards alienating the vocally negative parent. Referring to this as a “boomerang effect.” Unfortunately, this boomerang effect often alienated both parents from their child.

Important Reminders

It is important to remember, both during and after a divorce, children are watching their parents. Anger, frustration, pain, betrayal, all of these are normal and understandable feelings to experience during a divorce. However, parents are not the only ones coping, so too are the children. This is not stated to cause guilt but as a reminder during a trying time. While venting frustration, it is important to pick an appropriate time and place. Close friends, or perhaps therapy, are a far more effective and constructive group to voice pain than in front of children.

The problem with speaking poorly about the other parent and former spouse is that everyone is hurt. Both parents could become alienated, the children will have a less happy childhood, and it can cause long-term irreparable damage to all involved.

If you face a divorce or alienation, speak to a St. Louis family law attorney to find out how to approach your case. An experienced Missouri lawyer can help guide you through the process and provide perspective.

Divorce court decisions should be made by applying laws and past case decisions to facts that are presented at your trial.

The object of the dispute in a family lawsuit is a very delicate matter as it can have a significant influence on the lives of the spouses and their children. One cannot treat a divorce case with generalized judgment, as each case has its unique set of circumstances and development to which both parts need to adapt and react in the best possible way. That said, no divorce should be settled by a judge who chooses to follow their preconceptions about family, gender dynamics, or society instead of following facts and defending the interests of all parties involved.

Unfortunately, there are some cases where the judge seems to favor one side over the other. Often, traditional gender roles are applied to situations where the family dynamic is different. This incompatibility of the judge with the type of family he has in court may lead to an imbalance in the justice system, as one spouse gets more than he or she may be entitled to, and the other is robbed of his or her rights.

Going in front of a judge and laying your conjugal life in front of them and waiting for their decision regarding your life after a marriage can be tough. Few divorces can be considered easy, but when you seem to be discriminated against by a representative of the law, it is a battle for your rights. What can you do when the judge appears to favor your spouse in the divorce case?

Are You Going through a Custody Battle? Spend Time with Your Children

If you believe that it’s in your children’s best interest to have you in their lives, either as a split custody parent or a full custody one, then you need to show irrefutable evidence that you are already an important part of their lives. Spend time with them daily and be involved in what they do. Go to school meetings and sports games, participate in their little projects, and know their routine.

If you think the judge is favoring your spouse based on a gender bias, you can contact a discrimination board and bring the problem to their attention. Show them that your gender is not preventing you from being a good parent for your children and break the mold of gender roles.

Do You Feel That You Are Disadvantaged in Any Way? Act Your Best

When you are seen through the lenses of prejudice or other bias, what you do can be interpreted and distorted to fit that paradigm. Don’t feed that persona presented by the biased judge. Avoid any possible association with that pattern of behavior, even if you need to censor perfectly valid emotions or responses. Reformulate answers that might be considered aggressive or accusing and stay out of conflict.

Questions About Your Divorce Case? Ask a Divorce Lawyer

At The Betz Law Firm, we are committed to guiding our clients through the court process with the same level of professionalism that we would wish for our family members. We are aware of the trust our client’s place in us with the future of their family and we strive daily to earn it.

Our firm’s goal is to assist families in need to navigate their way through these important, life-changing events. Whether it be a divorce, relocation issues, or questions of paternity, our team of compassionate lawyers will be at your side, offering our guidance and support.

One of the many ways a divorce will impact your life is forcing you to change your estate plan. Because your divorce will change your living arrangements and family structure, you must plan for the future accordingly. That means making changes to how you wish that your estate is handled in case you pass away.

This is something we don’t usually think about, especially if we don’t have any chronic disease or work in a risky profession, but everyone has an estate – no matter how large or small – and an unfortunate event can happen at any time. Here is how your divorce can impact what will happen to your estate in the future.

Draft a New Will

The main document in estate planning is your will: a legal document that shows how you want your property to be divided in case you die. When drafting a new will, it will automatically revoke the previous wills you had. This means that you must have a clear idea about who you want your property to end up with after your death.

Since you and your spouse will no longer be family, some states automatically disinherit them, but if their children or other family members were previously included in your will, they will still get a share of your inheritance if you don’t draft a new will stating otherwise.

If you and your spouse agree to keep a cordial relationship and still be in each other’s lives, and you still want them to give a part of your property, drafting a new will is still necessary, as most states treat your divorced spouse as if they predeceased you.

You Should Update Your Beneficiary Designations

Not all your assets are included in your will, and it’s important to decide what happens to them after your death. Examples of such assets include retirement accounts, life insurance policies, pay-on-death bank accounts, and other similar financial assets. There are certain types of plans that are governed by federal law, and under it, divorce is not taken into consideration when passing them over after your death. This is why you have to deal with the changes yourself, and name another beneficiary by updating your documents.

Name Legal Guardians for Your Minor Children

When you have minor children, it’s most likely that they will end up living with your spouse in case something happens to you. But you also have to consider the possibility of your spouse predeceasing you, or losing their parenting rights, which is why it’s wise to name a legal guardian other than them in case you die.

Making New Powers of Attorney Directives

Powers of attorney include important decisions that someone can make in your name: legal and financial decisions, medical decisions in case you lose your capacity to make them, handling certain things in case you are left in a vegetative state, etc. If your spouse or their family were previously named in these documents, you may want to update them.

If you are uncertain how divorce can impact your estate planning, or have any doubts on what decision to take, discuss this with your St. Louis divorce lawyer. They can recommend the best course of action.