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When Attacking Your Former Spouse Hurts Yourself

February 25, 2021 by David Betz

Anger, frustration, pain, betrayal, all of these are normal and understandable feelings to experience during a divorce. But it is important to pick an appropriate time and place.

Robert Emery posted an article on Psychology Today discussing the consequences of speaking ill about your former spouse in front of your children. In previous articles, we have outlined how alienation can adversely affect not just your case but your family. While alienation is a real outcome, it may not be the target of denigration who suffers, but the source instead.

In his case study, Emery found subjects who lived in a home where one divorced parent spoke ill of the other parent, the child swayed more towards alienating the vocally negative parent. Referring to this as a “boomerang effect.” Unfortunately, this boomerang effect often alienated both parents from their child.

Important Reminders

It is important to remember, both during and after a divorce, children are watching their parents. Anger, frustration, pain, betrayal, all of these are normal and understandable feelings to experience during a divorce. However, parents are not the only ones coping, so too are the children. This is not stated to cause guilt but as a reminder during a trying time. While venting frustration, it is important to pick an appropriate time and place. Close friends, or perhaps therapy, are a far more effective and constructive group to voice pain than in front of children.

The problem with speaking poorly about the other parent and former spouse is that everyone is hurt. Both parents could become alienated, the children will have a less happy childhood, and it can cause long-term irreparable damage to all involved.

If you face a divorce or alienation, speak to a St. Louis family law attorney to find out how to approach your case. An experienced Missouri lawyer can help guide you through the process and provide perspective.

Speak With an Experienced Attorney

Our firm uses experience, good communication, and availability to help families get through life changing events.

Call (314) 801-8488

Feb 25, 2021 @ 7:58 pm

Is It Ok for My Child to Testify at My Divorce Trial?

February 18, 2021 by David Betz

If you absolutely need the child to testify, there are ways to get their testimony without them being on the witness stand with all eyes on them, facing both parents and all attorneys and staff.

One of the most delicate and stressful parts of a divorce is not always the division of assets or separating from your spouse but having to decide who gets the custodial rights of minor children. When children are involved, divorces are more impactful, and the judge must act in the minor’s best interest, no matter what.

Going through a divorce puts both parents through unpleasant tasks, such as dividing financial and marital assets or trying to reach a settlement for living arrangements post-divorce. Unfortunately, when it comes to custody, the children are often dragged into it. They have to be evaluated or even to choose between living with their mom or dad.

Can My Child Testify at My Divorce Trial?

If you wonder if your minor child can also be considered a witness in your trial and testify, the answer is yes. If it is ok, it’s another issue. Testifying in a trial is stressful for anyone, as the pressure is quite high. But testifying at your parents’ divorce trial can be traumatic for a minor, which is why you should avoid it at all costs.

If you absolutely need the child to testify, there are ways to get their testimony without them being on the witness stand with all eyes on them, facing both parents and all attorneys and staff. If, for example, there has been mistreatment of the child from one of the parents, and the child’s testimony would help protect them from future aggression, the court can get a report based on the child’s testimony, without putting the minor through the stress of appearing in court.

Usually, the judge appoints a mediator or a child custody evaluator trained to communicate with children and observe their psychological reactions and behaviors. The specialist will put together a report that contains the answers to the problems the court needs to address. This report is confidential and only used during the trial and not kept by either party.

Older Children May Give Their Testimony Directly

If the judge decides that testimony would not intervene in the child’s well-being, and this mostly applies to over 14, they may testify in court. Both your St. Louis divorce attorney and your spouse’s attorney will be able to address questions to the child. The judge will interview your child, but neither you nor your spouse can be present during the testimony.

The custodial outcome of your divorce can be based quite a lot on your child’s testimony, especially if they manifest their preference clearly (after a certain age, it is taken into account.)

St. Louis Family Law Attorney

To make sure your child is safe and their distress is kept to a minimum during your divorce trial, discuss these concerns with your St. Louis divorce attorney and use the best option available to make the trial less traumatic for the little ones.

Speak With an Experienced Attorney

Our firm uses experience, good communication, and availability to help families get through life changing events.

Call (314) 801-8488

Feb 25, 2021 @ 7:32 pm

Divorce by Consent from a Distance: Everything You Need to Know

February 8, 2021 by David Betz

What happens when a couple decides they need to divorce, but they already live in two separate countries?

In today’s social environment, it is not uncommon for people to easily move abroad and start a new life in a different country. Working, traveling, and studying abroad have become easier in today’s culture, so it is more likely for people of different nationalities to meet and build relationships and families.

So, what happens when a couple decides they need to divorce, but they already live in two separate countries? Divorce is already a stressful and delicate matter, but doing it from a different country seems impossible, right? Fortunately, there are solutions for these situations that can save you from moving back to your native country or for your spouse to fly across the world to go to a hearing.

Divorce by Consent: What You Need to Know

First of all, it is best to get connected to a St. Louis divorce attorney who has experience with international law and who can tell you exactly what legal conventions there are between the two countries. Second of all, please be aware that not all couples can divorce from a distance. You would have to both agree to divorce and not have any dependent children to do it.

There are two approaches to divorcing from a distance:

Granting someone else the power to act by proxy
Giving your personal consent at different notaries

The first option can be expensive, as divorce hearings can take a while. Employing someone to act by proxy means you have to rely on that person for a long time. In many cases, personal consent is still the better option.

How Is Divorce by Personal Consent Done from a Distance?

First of all, the two parties must sign a Regulatory Agreement that will liquidate the existing economic regime. Then, the two spouses must find public notaries who are qualified to do international deeds and willing to take their case.

One of the spouses will start the process by granting a divorce deed from the country they are from and legalizing it properly to be considered valid in the other spouse’s country. Then, the second spouse releases a deed through their representative. The two deeds will be submitted to the civil registry that will finalize the process.

Contact An Experienced Divorce Attorney

Divorce from a distance can only be considered valid if both parties have submitted their deeds legally and when a notary collects both statements, declaring the marriage dissolved.

Divorce by consent from a distance is a lifesaver for those couples who have separated and decided to continue their lives in different countries. This type of freedom allows them to keep their present jobs, homes, and relationships without moving for their right to divorce.

Speak With an Experienced Attorney

Our firm uses experience, good communication, and availability to help families get through life changing events.

Call (314) 801-8488

Feb 25, 2021 @ 7:09 pm

Do Monetary Gifts Affect Child Support and Maintenance?

February 4, 2021 by David Betz

While it is left to the court’s discretion to determine whether monetary gifts should be entered as monthly income, there must be regularity in the receipt of said gifts.

There are many factors a court considers when setting child support and maintenance (commonly referred to as alimony). Both parents’ income, childcare expenses, home expenses, and utilities all can go into this equation. However, what about monetary gifts? The long and short answer, as it often tends to be, is maybe.

Court Case Example

In Selleck v. Selleck, 528 S.W.3d 471 (Mo. App. E.D. 2017), the parent paying support sought to appeal an increase to his monthly child support. He argued his support should not have been increased because the mother of his child received substantial gifts of money from her parents. The appellate court found in favor of the mother, because these gifts were not regularly made, that the mother did not have absolute control over the money, nor was she legally entitled to these gifts. As a result, the court found it improper to include said gifts into her monthly income.

While it is left to the court’s discretion to determine whether monetary gifts should be entered as monthly income, there must be regularity in the receipt of said gifts. There must be a continual entitlement, and there needs to be complete control over the funds. Without providing evidence of the aforementioned conditions, a court is much less likely to decide to include gifts as part of a parent’s income.

Contact Your Family Law Attorney

If you believe monetary gifts should, or should not, be included in a party’s monthly income, be sure to ask your St. Louis family law attorney. You can determine if the ordered child support and maintenance are set to a proper level with your child support lawyer.

Speak With an Experienced Attorney

Our firm uses experience, good communication, and availability to help families get through life changing events.

Call (314) 801-8488

Feb 4, 2021 @ 7:24 pm

How to Divide a Family Business without Affecting Your Company

January 20, 2021 by David Betz

The court needs to determine if your family business is indeed marital property and how much of it can be divided between spouses.

Divorce is a delicate situation since two spouses’ common life must now be evaluated and divided, from family assets and debts to how much time each spouse gets to have with their own children. It is clear that divorce isn’t always plain and simple or developing as both sides would expect.

Law Property States Vs. Community Property States?

The way marital assets are treated during a divorce depends from state to state. There are two big distinct law approaches to this: law property and community property. Let’s start with the latter, as it is less common.

In common property states, all marital assets (which were acquired from the time of marriage until the divorce is declared) are considered community property, which means both spouses share the ownership equally. That means everything is divided in half, whether it’s the marital home, real estate, bank accounts, retirement funds, etc.

Missouri is a law property state, which means dividing the family assets is done by separating them into non-marital assets and marital assets, then splitting the marital assets into two parts in an equitable manner. Equitable doesn’t always mean 50-50, as we will detail further.

Dividing a Family Business during a Divorce in Missouri

First of all, the court needs to determine if your family business is indeed marital property and how much of it can be divided between spouses. If you started your business by yourself before getting married, one would think it’s your business, and it’s untouchable, but it depends on various circumstances.

For example, if your business grew during your marriage and your spouse was in any way involved in the company, that growth can be considered a marital asset. If the business started during your marriage, it would probably be considered marital property since it was probably funded with common funds.

Since a business is not so easy to just split and share, as it would be with liquidities, it may be tricky to settle how exactly you will divide it between yourself. An option would be for one spouse to give away other goods from their non-marital assets that would be equal in value to the business share the spouse would’ve received. That way, the business would not be affected.

Another option, much less desirable, though, would be to liquidate your business and easily split its value. But, ending a business is generally not the ideal option.

How to Get the Best Outcome for Your Business During Divorce?

The best way to protect your family business during divorce is to negotiate with your spouse and see if they are willing to leave the business to you and be compensated in other ways. If not, decide how to share the interests of your business.

If you think that your soon-to-be-ex-spouse will sabotage your business in any way or if you see any signs of retribution, discuss a plan with your St. Louis divorce lawyer and collect any evidence of bad intentioned actions from your spouse.

Speak With an Experienced Attorney

Our firm uses experience, good communication, and availability to help families get through life changing events.

Call (314) 801-8488

Jan 22, 2021 @ 7:35 pm

Divorce: Why Compromise is Important

January 12, 2021 by David Betz

This example illustrates that the court will not automatically award joint legal and custody rights to both parents if it detracts from the child’s best wishes.

The courts factor a lot into deciding custody. Every variable, however, is weighed against one single point, the best interests of the child. Except in extreme cases, the court will attempt to create a parenting plan that involves both parents, granting joint legal and custodial rights to both parents. There are times, though, when this is unfortunately not an option. If one parent can reasonably be proven to be unfit, or if the court can be shown that co-parenting is unattainable by the parties, the court may award sole legal and potentially custodial rights to one parent.

An Example of Why Compromise is Important

In Bowers v. Bowers, No. ED 103176, 2017 WL 2822506 (Mo. Ct. App. June 30, 2017) the court awarded sole legal and custodial rights to the father of the marriage’s child. In the abovementioned case, his father, Jason, was listed as the child’s father. However, a third party, Steven, was the actual biological father. The child’s mother, Jessica, was seeking a parenting plan that awarded her sole legal and joint custody of their child. Steven was found to be unfit and awarded no rights as a parent. Further, Jessica’s conduct during the trial was found to be so unbecoming that the court did not believe she would honor a court-ordered visitation. Due to Jessica’s actions, Jason was awarded sole legal and custody of the marriage’s child.

The above example illustrates that while the court is firm in its belief that a child greatly benefits from co-parenting, they will not automatically award joint legal and custody rights to both parents if it detracts from the child’s best wishes.

Contact a St. Louis Family Law Attorney

A trusted St. Louis family law attorney can advise you on how best to approach your custody dispute. This can help ensure that you preserve your parental rights and provide your child the opportunity to thrive. Contact your trusted Missouri lawyer if you are about to be involved in a custodial dispute.

Speak With an Experienced Attorney

Our firm uses experience, good communication, and availability to help families get through life changing events.

Call (314) 801-8488

Jan 22, 2021 @ 4:35 pm