Depending on your circumstances, taking the first step and filing for divorce may put you at an advantage and give you better control over the outcome of the separation.

It’s odd to talk about getting the upper hand when it comes to a life moment so sensitive and complicated as divorce. However, having an advantage over your soon to be ex-spouse can save you a lot of emotional and financial stress.

You may think that it’s really not that important who files for divorce first as the outcome is the same regardless: you get separated from your partner. However, here is how making the first step can potentially benefit you.

You Have the Time to Find the Right Lawyer

If your spouse files first, you will be served papers. Missouri law then gives you 30 days to respond. This often leaves a person scrambling to find a lawyer to take on their case. If you file first, you will have the time you need to find a St. Louis divorce attorney who will represent your best interests and help you achieve the best possible outcome.

You Have Time to Gather All the Needed Documents

A divorce is a bureaucratic hassle. If your partner files first, then you will spend time and money trying to gather all the financial and legal documents required. If your spouse refuses to provide some of them, then things can get overly complicated and costly.

If you file first, then you will have enough time to prepare all the documents needed and save yourself money and your mental sanity.

You May Have the First Choice of Court

Divorces are filed for and settle in the jurisdiction both or one of the spouses live in. If you have property both in Missouri and Florida, for example, you may be surprised to learn the differences in the law regarding child custody, division of assets, spousal support, and so on. Moreover, if your partner moved to another state and they file for divorce first, then you will likely have to follow the laws of that jurisdiction. All that can work to your disadvantage. 

You Have Time to Prepare Yourself Emotionally

Filing for divorce first comes with emotional benefits too. If you are in a toxic or abusive relationship, taking the first step can feel empowering. You have the time to come to terms with the fact that your marriage ended and take action. Instead of reacting to your spouse filing first, you are in control of your own life and destiny. And, you need that kind of mindset during a difficult and stressful period like a divorce.

Speak With an Attorney

There will be lots of variables that you can’t control or foresee. Taking the first step and filing for divorce may put you at an advantage and give you better control over the outcome of the separation.

Discuss the pros and cons of filing for divorce first with an experienced St. Louis family law lawyer and decide together what your next move should be. Give The Betz Law Firm a call today at (314) 801-8488

Helping your children cope with their new living environment requires compassion and routine.

Divorce is never easy; emotions can run high and parents need to plan for a new life.  This can include finding a new home, decorating, and furnishing a new house. However, many parents find the hardest part of custody is not in the logistics of a new beginning, but providing a sense of stability for their children.  St. Louis lawyers can provide a myriad of resources at your disposal. Your family law attorney will work closely with counselors and therapists to help children and parents during a divorce.

It is to understand that children can fall into three over-arching stages in relation to divorce; young children (up to age four), older children (from age five to twelve), and teenagers.  The latter two will share many qualities, but all will view the changes around them from the lens of their respective stages of development. It is necessary to approach each with the right technique, to properly help them during this seemingly chaotic and trying period in their lives.

What to Expect

As stated above, each age group will have a different perception of divorce.  Young children are set in their dependency on both parents and are also accustomed their routine.  The loss of routine may result in regression. Previously potty-trained children may wet themselves or their bed, become moody, and lose their sleep schedule.  

Older children can also regress; seeking attention and complaining of stomach aches and other problems that will reinforce a perceived necessity for dependence.  Unfortunately, this partially stems from a sense of fault for the divorce, as well as the loss of routine. It is also common to become emotional when visiting the non-custodial parent.  Their sense of guilt may result in children trying to take on extra responsibilities; they essentially may try to become an adult themselves.

Teens, like older children, may also develop feelings of guilt and blame themselves for the separation.  They too may attempt to replace the non-custodial parent and seek to be more “adult-like.” Teens also tend to be vocal about whom they wish to live with, having a stronger sense of connection with one parent over the other.  To further their anxiety, they may worry about losing touch with friends, due to changing weekend schedules and living arrangements. Finally, a teenage child may also find one of their parents at fault for the divorce.

How to Help Your Children

Helping your children cope with their new living environment requires compassion and routine.  For younger children that means keeping meals and bedtime as regular as possible. It also means asking questions like, “Do you miss mom/dad?”  Finally, outline their new environment; explain that even though you’re not living together, that both parents still love them.

For older children it is often a good idea to sit down as a family about two weeks ahead of the separation.  Use this time to explain not just the changes, but what will stay the same. This can be the school they attend, opportunities to spend time with friends, and even visitation with parents.  Knowing what to expect will help them cope with what is to come. It is also important to give your children a chance to voice any questions they may have. Perhaps of equal importance, stress that the upcoming separation is not the child’s fault.  

Teenagers tend to be a bit more difficult at times, as any parent with teenagers is aware.  Like their younger counterparts, sit down a week or two ahead of time and discuss the upcoming separation.  Teenagers, however, are often more independent and have a better understanding of divorce. As such, they may not require the same amount explanation as preteens.  It is important to actively ask them questions to open conversations. When they ask a question, give a clear and simple response. It is also important to keep private from them the gritty details of what lead to the divorce, such as extramarital relations.  Be open about how you, the parent, are feeling. Finally, consider explaining what you are doing to self-heal.

While a marriage may come to an end, parents’ love and concern for their children should stay strong through this process.  Every good parent feels a sense of worry about the new life their children are entering. This is normal and healthy. What is important is to work as a team to ensure both parents know what their children need, and how to guide them towards stability once again.  Through counseling and an understanding of how children react to the stresses of divorce, parents can help children cope with what is to come.

Speak With an Attorney

Give The Betz Law Firm a call 24/7 at (314) 801-8488

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References

L.C.S.W., Robert Taibbi. 2013. Psychology Today. June 28. Accessed October 12, 2018. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201306/children-divorce-helping-and-healing