Navigating Divorce: Helping Adolescents and Preteens Adjust

At The Betz Law Firm, we aim to help our clients and their families face and adjust to life-changing circumstances.

Divorces are hardest on children, specifically teens and adolescents. The abrupt change divorce brings into their lives and adjusting to a new reality can be difficult. Teens and adolescents have higher cognitive abilities and are experiencing puberty. On top of the divorce, these physiological changes can trouble and confuse them.

Tell Them Only What’s Necessary

Your children don’t have to know all the murky details about your divorce. All the intricate details only confuse them, leaving them with more questions than answers. Instead, use simple, clear, and precise language to let them know you will be separating for good.

Also, let them know where they’ll live and whether they’ll change schools and visitation schedules. Use a gentle and reassuring tone throughout, and don’t delve into too much detail when they ask questions.

Reassure Them

It’s easy for children to think they had something to do with the divorce and blame themselves. Use a reassuring tone and the right words to rid them of any blame. Also, assure them that everything will be okay.

Don’t Expose Them to Conflict

You and your spouse may not be on the best terms, but your kids don’t have to know. Shield your kids from any animosity and confrontation between you and your ex-spouse. Avoid making negative comments about your ex, and try not to argue right in front of them. These arguments and fights can scar them for life.

Listen to Your Kids’ Concerns

The period during and after the divorce is confusing for the kids. After speaking to them about the divorce, let your kids ask any questions they may have. Take your time with every question, and be careful not to give the wrong answers. Ask them how they feel about the divorce and reassure them if necessary.

Teens and adolescents might have a hard time opening up. If that’s the case, consider letting them speak to a counselor to vent their emotions. Doing so helps them alleviate any stress and tension built up inside.