Mediation gives parents a practical way to settle these details.
Most parents in a divorce agree on the big goal: children who feel at home with both of them. Where they often get stuck is the calendar. Which weekends, which half of winter break, who has the Fourth of July, and what happens when a soccer tournament lands on the other parent’s weekend.
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What a Missouri parenting plan schedule has to cover
Missouri law asks for far more than “every other weekend.” Under RSMo 452.310, each parent in a case involving custody generally files a proposed parenting plan within 30 days of being served or entering an appearance. The plan’s custody and parenting time schedule is expected to address:
- Major holidays, stating which holidays each parent has each year
- School holidays for school-age children
- The child’s birthday, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day
- Weekday and weekend schedules, plus how winter, spring, summer, and other school breaks are spent
- Times and places for exchanges, and any supervision arrangements
- Appropriate times for phone or video contact
- How a parent asks for a temporary change to the schedule
- Any restrictions or limitations on parenting time
That list doubles as a mediation agenda. Parents who arrive with a draft answer for each item tend to spend their session solving real disagreements rather than discovering them.
Since 2023, Missouri law also generally presumes that equal or approximately equal parenting time is in a child’s best interests. That presumption can be rebutted, and it does not dictate any particular rotation. It does mean many families start the conversation from a roughly even split and adjust from there. For more on how courts weigh custody, see our page on parenting plans in Missouri.
How mediation works for parenting schedules
In divorce mediation, a neutral mediator helps both parents work through each issue. The mediator does not represent either parent, does not give legal advice, and does not decide anything. Sessions are confidential, and what you agree to is written into a memorandum that becomes the basis of the parenting plan submitted to the court. A judge still reviews the plan and approves it if it serves the children’s best interests.
Scheduling is often well suited to mediation because it rewards detail and flexibility. A judge deciding a contested case has limited time to learn your family’s routines. Parents in mediation can build a calendar around the actual bus schedule, the actual work shifts, and the traditions that matter to each side of the family.
Mediation is voluntary in many cases, and St. Louis area courts can also order parents to attempt it on custody issues. Either way, each parent may have their own attorney review proposals and the final agreement. David S. Betz is on the St. Louis County Court Approved Mediator List and completed 50 hours of mediation training. He serves either as a neutral mediator or as one parent’s attorney, never both in the same case. Learn more on our St. Louis divorce mediation page.
When mediation may not be appropriate. Mediation depends on both parents being able to negotiate safely and freely. It may not be appropriate where there is domestic violence, an active order of protection, uncontrolled substance abuse, or an ongoing abuse investigation. If any of these apply, talk with an attorney about other options, including an order of protection.
How to prepare for a scheduling session
A little preparation can make sessions shorter and agreements more durable. Before your first session, consider gathering:
- The children’s school calendars for this year and next, including early-release days and breaks.
- Both parents’ work schedules, including shifts, travel, and any seasonal changes.
- Each child’s activity calendar, with practice and game times.
- A list of holidays and traditions that matter to you, ranked by importance.
- A draft weekly rotation you could live with, plus one alternative.
- Questions for your attorney about anything you are unsure of before you agree to it.
Ranking your priorities matters more than it may seem. Mediation often works through trades, and knowing that Thanksgiving matters more to you than the Fourth of July gives you room to be flexible where it costs you less. Keeping the focus on what the children need, rather than on what feels even, tends to help both parents get there.
Frequently asked questions
- Does the holiday schedule override the regular schedule? In most parenting plans, yes, but only if the plan says so. Stating that holiday and vacation time take priority over the regular rotation, and that the regular rotation resumes afterward without makeup time, can head off confusion.
- Do we have to split parenting time 50/50? Not necessarily. Missouri generally presumes equal or approximately equal time is in a child’s best interests, but that presumption can be rebutted, and parents can agree to a different arrangement that the court finds serves the children.
- Can our children have a say in the schedule? A child’s wishes are one of the factors Missouri courts consider, and older children’s views often carry more weight. Many families find it helpful to hear a teenager’s input on summer and activities without putting the child in the position of choosing between parents.
- What if we agree on the weekly schedule but not the holidays? You can resolve what you agree on in mediation and leave the remaining issues for further sessions, negotiation through attorneys, or the court. Partial agreements still narrow the case and may reduce cost.
- Do I need a lawyer if we are using a mediator? You are not required to have one, but the mediator cannot advise either parent. Having your own attorney review proposals before you sign can help you understand how the terms work under Missouri law.
Talk with a St. Louis family law attorney
A parenting schedule is one of the documents your family will live with most closely after a divorce. The Betz Law Firm is a locally owned St. Louis family law firm, founded in 2012, and David S. Betz has practiced only family law for 25 years. He is on the approved Guardian ad Litem lists for St. Louis County and the City of St. Louis, and he can help you prepare for mediation, review a proposed parenting plan, or serve as a neutral mediator.
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If you are facing divorce, custody questions, or another family law matter in St. Louis, you do not have to work through it alone. Call or reach out online to schedule a confidential consultation.
This page provides general information and is not legal advice. Every case is different, and outcomes depend on specific facts and circumstances.