Mediation ยท Court Approved Mediator
St. Louis Divorce Mediation
Mediation lets you and your spouse decide the terms of your divorce or custody case with a neutral mediator instead of leaving them to a judge. David Betz is on the St. Louis County Family Court’s Court Approved Mediator List and mediates divorce, custody, and support cases for couples who want to reach their own agreement.
The first question most people ask
How does divorce mediation work in Missouri?
A mediator is a neutral third party who helps you and your spouse negotiate the terms of your case. The mediator does not represent either of you, does not give legal advice, and does not decide anything. When you reach an agreement, it is written up, reviewed by your attorneys, and submitted to the court to become part of your judgment.
What mediation can settle
Any issue the court would otherwise decide can be mediated, including:
- Custody and the parenting plan: the weekly schedule, holidays, exchanges, and decision-making
- Child support and who pays for school, activities, and medical costs
- Property and debt division: the house, retirement accounts, vehicles, and credit cards
- Maintenance (spousal support), including amount and duration
- Changes to an existing judgment, such as a custody modification or a relocation
Mediation is confidential. What is said in the room cannot be used as evidence later if the case does go to trial, which is what lets both spouses speak plainly about what they actually need. For more on what to bring and how to prepare, see how to prepare for mediation during divorce.
What a session looks like
Sessions are scheduled for about three hours. Some cases settle in one session; others take two or three, with time between to gather information or think things over. The mediator opens by explaining the ground rules, each spouse describes the issues as they see them, and the conversation moves issue by issue toward terms both can accept. The mediator may meet with each spouse privately along the way.
Attorneys may attend or not, depending on the case and the mediator’s practice. Either way, you keep your own attorney: the mediator will not tell you whether a proposed term is a good deal for you. That is your lawyer’s job, and we recommend having the final agreement reviewed before it is signed. Read more: should you have your own attorney during divorce mediation and what to expect in your first mediation session.
When the issues are settled, the mediator prepares a memorandum of understanding. The attorneys turn it into a settlement agreement and parenting plan, and the case is submitted to the court as an uncontested divorce.
Two ways to work with David
Mediator or attorney, not both in the same case
Missouri’s rules keep the two roles separate. In any one case, David is either the neutral mediator for both spouses or the attorney for one of them.
David as your mediator
You and your spouse hire David jointly as a neutral. He is on the St. Louis County Court Approved Mediator List, has completed 50 hours of mediation training, and brings 25 years of family law practice to the table, including regular appointments as a Guardian ad Litem in custody cases. That background means he knows what a judge is likely to do with a given set of facts, which helps both spouses settle on terms a court will accept.
Couples who mediate with David often come with their own attorneys, or consult one between sessions. Either way, he stays neutral and does not advise either spouse.
David as your attorney in mediation
If you already have a case and the court has ordered mediation, or you want to mediate with another mediator, David represents you: preparing you for the sessions, attending when appropriate, evaluating each proposal against what you could expect at trial, and reviewing the final agreement before you sign. Mediating with counsel is often the fastest route to a settlement that holds up.
Not sure which fits? Call and describe your situation. If you and your spouse both want a neutral, that is the mediator role; if you want someone in your corner, that is the attorney role. For a longer comparison of the two paths, see mediation vs. litigation.
How it works
From first call to a signed agreement
St. Louis County and St. Louis City family courts often order mediation in custody cases before trial, and many couples choose it on their own before filing anything. The process is the same either way.
1
Intake and ground rules
Both spouses sign a mediation agreement that sets out confidentiality, the mediator’s neutral role, and the fee. Each completes a short intake covering the issues to be resolved and the financial information needed to resolve them.
2
Sessions
Issues are taken one at a time, usually starting with the children if there are any. The mediator keeps the conversation on the decision in front of you, tests proposals against what a court would likely order, and records each term as it is agreed.
3
Memorandum to judgment
The agreed terms go into a memorandum of understanding. Your attorneys convert it into the settlement agreement and parenting plan the court needs, and the judge enters it as the judgment. Terms you did not resolve, if any, are the only ones left for the court.
When mediation is not the right forum. Cases involving domestic violence, an active order of protection, substance abuse that is not under control, or an ongoing investigation are generally not appropriate for mediation, and a court will not require it where one spouse cannot negotiate safely. If that describes your situation, call us about representation instead.
Common questions
Divorce mediation questions we hear most
How much does divorce mediation cost in St. Louis?
Mediators in the St. Louis area generally charge by the hour, and the fee is usually split between the spouses. The total depends on how many sessions it takes, which depends on how many issues are open and how far apart you start. Because the two of you share one mediator instead of paying two attorneys to litigate, a mediated case typically costs a fraction of a contested one. We quote the mediation fee when you call.
Do I need my own lawyer if we mediate?
You are not required to have one, but the mediator cannot advise you, so we recommend it. Many people consult an attorney between sessions and have the final agreement reviewed before signing. That is usually a few hours of attorney time rather than a full case.
How many sessions does it take?
Sessions run about three hours. A case with a few open issues can settle in one; a full divorce with children and property more often takes two or three, spread over several weeks so each spouse can gather documents and think between meetings.
Is a mediated agreement binding?
The memorandum from mediation is not binding on its own. It becomes binding when it is written into a settlement agreement and parenting plan, signed by both spouses, and entered by the court as part of the judgment. Once that happens, it is enforceable like any other court order.
What happens if mediation does not work?
Nothing is lost. The issues you did agree on usually stay agreed, and only the open ones go to the court. Because mediation is confidential, offers made in the room cannot be used against you at trial. Many cases that do not fully settle in mediation settle shortly afterward, once both spouses have seen where the other stands.
Decide your own terms, with a mediator both of you can accept.
If you and your spouse want to mediate your divorce or custody case in St. Louis, or the court has ordered mediation and you need an attorney to prepare you for it, call or reach out online. We will tell you which role fits and what the next step is.
This page provides general information and is not legal advice. Every case is different, and outcomes depend on specific facts and circumstances. David Betz is on the St. Louis County Court Approved Mediator List; the court takes no position on the relative skills of listed mediators. Part of our St. Louis divorce practice. See all family law practice areas.