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How to Talk to Your Spouse About Getting a Divorce?


While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, some tips we offer can help ensure the process runs as smoothly as possible.

Finally deciding you want a divorce can be a challenging situation to handle. Emotions are likely running high, your spouse may not see it coming, and many scenarios could play out. While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, some tips we offer can help ensure the process runs as smoothly as possible.

How to Bring Up Divorce

Once you’ve decided you want a divorce, telling your spouse will be difficult because you will provoke anger or sadness. However, if you are prepared, know what you want to say, and give your spouse a little warning about what’s coming, you can buffer the impact.

These tips will help you discuss the topic of divorce with your spouse:

  • Do not ambush your spouse – If you’ve decided you want a divorce, there are likely apparent signs in your marriage that something is wrong. But you can’t be sure that your spouse isn’t in denial. They’ll be shocked when you tell them if they have no clue you’re about to break up the marriage. Therefore, let your spouse know you need to talk about something serious and schedule a time to speak.
  • Pick a private spotUnless you’re concerned for your safety, choose a quiet, private place to have the discussion. This is important because it’s a serious topic, and you won’t want to be distracted.
  • Be prepared for anger or sadness – There’s no easy way to tell your spouse you want a divorce. It will be a stressful conversation, so be prepared for rage, denial, crying, blame, and arguments. If you’re worried about severe anger, you may need support such as a close friend or counselor or talk in a public place.
  • Know what you’ll say – Before sitting down with your spouse, prepare what you want to say. Think carefully about what you want to say and be clear about your message. You can begin with a summary of your feelings and then make sure they understand how serious you are about the situation.
  • Stay calm – Staying calm is essential. Most likely, your spouse will get upset and become emotional. They may want to argue or threaten you. If you avoid getting angry in return and don’t argue, you will keep the situation from escalating.
  • Suggest mediation – Going through the divorce proceedings can be overwhelming. Your spouse may be worried about going in front of a judge. Mediation is an alternative dispute resolution method that people can use instead of going to court in front of a judge. This process utilizes a third party, a mediator, to help two parties agree on matters relating to divorce, child custody, and other legal issues.

Contact a Family Law Attorney

We understand how difficult talking about and going through a divorce is. We have successfully helped countless individuals through the process and can do the same for you. At The Betz Law Firm, our goal is to assist families in need to navigate their way through those important, life-changing events. Whether it be a divorce, relocation issues, or paternity questions, our team of compassionate lawyers will be at your side, offering our guidance and support.

Speak With an Experienced Attorney

Our firm uses experience, good communication, and availability to help families navigate life-changing events.