How to Talk to Your Children About Divorce When Using Mediation

Why Talking Openly Matters

Children, whether they’re preschoolers or teenagers, sense tension. If they’re left in the dark, they may imagine scenarios that are worse than reality. When parents sit down together to explain what’s happening, it sends a powerful message that:

✅ Both parents still love and care for them.
✅ It’s okay to ask questions.
✅ They’re not to blame.

Because you’ve chosen mediation, you’re already taking steps to reduce conflict — which directly benefits your children’s emotional health.

Plan the Conversation Together

If possible, try to have this conversation as a united front. Even if you and your spouse are moving in different directions, preparing what you’ll say together helps avoid confusion or mixed messages.

• Pick a quiet time. Avoid telling them before school or bedtime. Choose a calm, unrushed moment.
• Use simple, age-appropriate language. Younger children require basic explanations, while older kids may want more detailed information.
• Be clear it’s not their fault. This is one of the most important points to repeat.

Highlight What Will Stay the Same

Divorce can feel like their world is breaking apart. Provide stability by explaining what’s staying the same:

• They will continue to be loved by both parents.
• They’ll still go to the same school, play with the same friends, and have the same activities (if applicable).
• Both parents will still attend important events, like games or recitals.

Be Honest — But Avoid Adult Issues

It’s healthy to tell them you and their other parent are no longer going to be married. However, it’s not healthy to share blame, money concerns, or details about disagreements.

Keep explanations simple, such as:

“We’ve decided that it’s better for us to live apart, but we both love you very much and that will never change.”

How Mediation Helps Your Kids

Because you’re choosing mediation instead of a heated courtroom battle, you can also explain that:

• You’re working together to decide what’s best for them — like where they’ll live and how they’ll spend time with each parent.
• It may feel hard now, but you’re doing this so everyone can be happier and more peaceful in the long run.

Mediation often results in more cooperative co-parenting, which research has shown to be better for children’s long-term well-being.

Encourage Their Questions and Emotions

Your children may have immediate questions — or none at all. They might need time to process. Let them know:

• It’s okay to feel sad, mad, or confused.
• They can come to you at any time with worries or questions.
• You’re there to listen, always.